Day One - With Meaning

Day 1 Evian to Talloires
183km
‘I’m here to die a little and live a lot’ said by Luke Scott in his introduction speech on the eve of our ride. 75 strong, we will eat, sleep and cycle together for the next 9 days. After a brief night trying to rest but only wrestling with anxiety, it begins.
We cycled 183 km today, day one. It was tough. I started strong and it felt good being out on the French Roads heading to the mountains. We started out by Lake Geneva and ended in Talloires by another Lake, Lake Annecy; Beautiful. Managed to find a good rhythm and my legs this morning and cycled up front with Paul from Austin, Texas, an old friend from past rides and then found Alan, a rider from London. We realised that there is something about this experience you can’t quite get your head around. We spend 10 days together a year, some people are new and some returning yet you have this strange bond develop from the first night. Alan said ‘it goes beyond friends, its like family.’ Part of the reason we are so close without really knowing one another is the group dynamic and the reasons we are here.
We spent about 10 hours on the bikes today and climbed two cols (col is a path crossing mountain chains from lowest to highest point) passing through the clouds. I'm not sure if the clouds are low or if we are high. The weather was on our side - overcast and a gentle breeze - a blessing as I can't deal with the heat and it can get hot! I found it liberating and a pleasure at times to cycle in this alpine environment. I also spent a great deal of time struggling. I ended up on my own where you have to listen to your body and breathing and not push yourself beyond your limits. I question myself and want to give up at difficult ascents towards the top of the cols. I realised that I could only focus on the ground directly in front of me. I had tunnel vision and concentrated on overcoming the logical and self-doubt messages my brain was sending me. You spend a lot of time engaged in a mental battle to keep going. Its not easy when you are hot, tired and in pain, struggling to push on. The end is never near enough and there is only whats inside you motivating you. Of course you remember the money and support your sponsors have given you and at the most difficult times your thoughts jump between desires such as cups of tea, a comforting hug or lie down and to those you have seen or been told about suffering with this awful disease.






The riders here are all people that have come together to create this force. We are a Tour de Force. We have to believe it to help us up all those mountains. The pain and tiredness can be overwhelming and you try your best to cycle through it or some stop and get back some sensation of normality before continuing. I've learnt its best to cycle through it, just keep going and eventually your mind wonders and you feel something else but the biggest challenge is coping with the fatigue, sore muscles and lagging feelings when it takes hours to reach the top of the col. Sometimes you can see where you are heading for miles and it gets very frustrating to not feel any closer. Time marches on and the climbing is never-ending. Colombiere is like this but today we had low clouds that engulfed the top of the col so we cycled in a grim cloudy mist that felt cold and went on and on and on. I thought it would go on forever and I was definitely ready to give up, despairing on my own as I didn't quite believe I had reached the top.
Your body and mind throbs from exhaustion and your senses only come back to you after a recovery concoction of coca cola and salt and a sit down and do nothing in the warm for a while.

I had a broad spectrum of emotions today and spent a lot of time trying to avoid running low on energy however I reached periods of being so tired that I was a bit delirious and ended up in a trance nearly falling into the mountain as I was startled when a line of cars streamed pass me. I battle with bad thoughts and wipe away tears, I get hugs and replenish my energy with food and drink. I then am terrified on the descents, its technical and my bike is bloody fast. People hit speeds of 20-50mph descending on wheels thinner than half an inch in width. Skillfully and gracefully they float down the mountain, I do the same at slower speeds that contain my panic as I get to know my new bike and my hands ache and loose sensation because I have to break so hard.

Today I achieved something amazing and I’ve heard about tomorrow which I’m terrified of just how tough it will be. I want this to be over and I want some home comforts and r and r. I made some fantastic connections and spoke very openly and deeply about cancer and life with my fireflies comrades today. We know why we’re here and we need your help. We are totally exposed out here. Nothing to hide behind. We get to know each other without the pretense of our structured and formal lives at home. Its something else when you get to know and see people as they really are because you are exposed to such a tough challenge that what you go through emotionally and physically and the way you respond shines through, you can't mask it because it just happens. We let down our defenses and ride together with our reasons in this life changing experience. This is us, fit and healthy, dying a little and living a lot - lets do more to keep it that way.